40 and f-ing fierce: Why boudoir is for women at any age
No matter where we come from, what we look like, what our size, shape, hair or skin color is…no matter anything, I find that most women have insecurities. I will photograph woman of ALL sizes who aren’t happy with the way their bodies look. Who judge themselves when they look in the mirror. Who constantly put themselves down for reasons no one else but them would have ever thought of. I know, because this was me too. Judging myself for the pimple that formed overnight, for the way my clothes fit too tightly around my hips, or my two day old hair that I thought was too greasy to leave the house until I washed it. And remember, we aren’t born with insecurities. We come out of the womb with no judgement of ourselves whatsoever. But as we grow older and develop thoughts, feelings, friend groups, and start being exposed to the media, we begin to compare. We see images on tv and look at the people around us and think, ‘I wish I looked like that’, ‘I wish I had her (insert any feature or quality here)’.
But what if we took a step back and reversed this for a second. What if you thought about the fact that other women have looked at YOU and thought, ‘I wish I had her perfect (I could now insert a laundry list of qualities and features about you, girlfriend)’. Because I can guarantee you this is true. We look at ourselves with the harshest eyes sometimes, but I can tell you with certainty that someone out there has looked at you with the kindest eyes.
This year I turn 40. And in all honesty, I used to think that 40 sounded old, and I was fearing it. I was fearing all of the changes that came with this “scary” number (and the number doesn’t mean shit by the way!) But after a lot of learning and a lot of reflection, I have realized that turning 40 doesn’t mean aging, it means living! It is a privilege and an honor that not everyone gets to have.
This year I turn 40 and I have never felt more confident, strong and unstoppable. I did (another!) boudoir shoot last year when I turned 39 to celebrate my last year in this decade. Looking back I wish that I had done even more photoshoots along the way to celebrate every stage of my life, my body, and my beauty. Even if I didn’t think I was beautiful at the time, I wish I had more boudoir photos from my 20’s and 30’s to look back and say, “Wow! Holy crap girl you hotttt!” But I was held back from those feelings back then, and it took a long confidence journey to get to the point where I love seeing my boudoir photos now.
Boudoir is for women at ANY age. Let me say that again for the cheap seats in the back. Boudoir is for women AT ANY AGE! Because YOU are worth celebrating, at all stages of your life. I can’t wait to do more shoots in all of my next decades - universe willing that I have the opportunity to do so. And as I’m only a few months away from turning 40, I am making a conscious effort to cool it with the harsh talk in the mirror (because let’s be honest, we all do it), and be more grateful to my body and how far it has taken me.
I’m going to be sprinkling some wisdom I’ve learned as I’ve approached 40 into upcoming social posts and blogs, and wisdom I have learned from other amazing women. Today, I will leave you with this:
Growing up I tried to fit into so many “groups” so that I would be “cool”. I think it is a visceral reaction to want to fit in and feel accepted, but for me, it only pushed me further away from myself and who I really was. And many years later, once I stopped caring about fitting into groups I didn’t even belong being a part of in the first place and started following my own path, it set me free.